Reasons Why They Should Not Have a Daughter
by Enits'ju
Summary: Some reasons why Squall and Rinoa should not have a daughter. Because some familial ties could make life very difficult.


No offense to anyone who may have made fandaughters of this couple, but know that if I see it I'm going to be laughing my ass off. Originally wanted to make this a comic but I suck at drawing so meh. Not really meant to be taken that seriously. I just threw it together trying to get back into the swing of writing things again. (Has other fics to work on and a bunch of fic alerts that need to be read and reviewed) So enjoy or whatever, and ignore any OOCness you see.

Disclaimer: Not mine. I only own the badly named OCs... and not all of them are named... I hate naming things!

* * *

Title: Reasons Why They should Not Have a Daughter.

Young SeeD cadet Timothy Gazela could not wipe the stupid grin off his face even if he wanted to. The blond teen barely reigned in the desire to jump onto the rail and start skipping despite the threat of falling into the water. Gravity couldn't bring him down, his ecstasy would make him buoyant enough. It was surprising that he wasn't already floating about in his little bubble of rapture.

If possible his grin grew impossibly wider. "She said yes!" He crowed loudly and the girls skittered to the other side of the pathway giving him a wide berth. He ignored them. They didn't matter when he already had a girl. His expression melted to lovestruck, and he smothered a giddy laugh. The blond liked the thought of that. _His girl._

He had met her about a month ago. There was some sort of malfunction on the safety systems that kept the monsters from getting out of the training center. There were plenty of rumors of what happened; bizarre monster mating cycles, some SeeD members on duty getting frisky with one another near the sensitive control panels, an amateur's attempt at hacking gone wrong. Some of the highest ranked SeeD officers only shook their heads muttering something like "Booyaka." as if that explained everything.

Whatever had happened really messed up the system, and because of the iffy Centra technology it taking more than a week to repair it. Despite the Commander setting up a guard duty with his SeeDs, there were still a few close calls. The monsters were making it difficult for the repair workers to complete the work quickly. Tim would never admit it under torture, but he had a little fanboy moment when the Commander had to personally come and finish a particular stubborn T-rex off. Everyone saw the slaughter, and the hero of the moment locked himself into his office shortly afterwards. (The man's groupies were getting worse than the everlasting Trepies)

It happened when the repairs were just about done. It was as if the monsters could tell that their last chance of escaping the Training Center were numbered. A few monsters managed to slip past the outnumbered SeeDs on duty. Fortunately it was only grats that managed to slip past as the SeeDs were busy with the other larger creatures. Tim just happened to be in the area and was protecting the younger students. He was doing fine until he got overrun by a large swarm. The teen was knocked out of his stance when he noticed the attack heading towards the young girl behind him. Unable to bring up a block he had thrown himself in to take the hit.

_Two feet away from the pair the grat combusted into an impressive plume of fire. The remaining grats shrieked scattering away from the bonfire that was their companion. Taking advantage of the distraction Tim dropped the rest with a plethora barrage of spells. The young girl clung to his pant leg when the still blazing corpse was knocked over scattering charred bits and sending embers to float up. A loud crunch resounded and then she stepped into his life._

_Uncaring of the fire a dark haired teen walked through the remains, crunching it under her shoes. Her long hair fluttered about as the heat and smoke swirled around her, and the glow of the fire played off her proud and regal features. The light of the fire made her eyes glow a bright green as she ignored the way the flames licked at her pale form. Absently Tim noted that the fire didn't burn her clothes or body, and wondered if she had junctioned fire magic. She walked up to him, and the teen opened his mouth to thank her._

"_That was hot!" Was what unfortunately spewed out instead. Mortified Tim wondered if it would hurt too much if he threw himself into the fire._

_Those jade eyes blinked once, then twice. Then in complete deadpan. "Firaga spells tend to be hot..." He flushed and wondered if she sung. She had a pretty voice even if she did seem a little annoyed with him._

_Hearing the voice the girl peeked out from behind him and visible brightened. "Kitten!" Finally releasing her death the little one transferred it to the newcomer's uniformed skirt. Tim looked away as the bunching of fabric was revealing more of her thigh than was decent. "I was so scared!"_

_Kitten, as she had been identified, gave the girl her hand instead and slowly the child quieted down. "That was the last group. The SeeD are doing a headcount. Does anyone else need medical attention? I'm about to head over to where the medics are." At her words he took another look and saw the blood that the smell of smoke had disguised._

"_I have Curaga." Tim offered and she sent him a grateful smile that made him weak in the knees._

After that they started running into each other in the hallways more often. Although her regal beauty made it hard to approach her, Kitten was a very warm person once you got to know her. Tim learned that Kitten was actually a nickname, and it's almost impossible to get her friends to call her by name. Looking at her you wouldn't expect her to have such a cutesy name, but he liked it. Especially since she blushed every time he used it. So he used it often, sometimes adding a playful purr that usually had her swatting at him in irritation.

So while they took her dog out on a walk around the Quad he summoned the courage to ask her out on a date. Trying to feign nonchalance the teen show her the tickets that he had for the newest movie, and that he needed someone to go with him. With amusement shining in her eyes, she agreed with all the airs of a SeeD accepting a mission. Playfully saluting him with a wink, she left with her little border collie at her heels to prepare herself for the _mission_.

Tonight was going to be perfect.

* * *

"Sorry Kitten isn't here." The roomate gave Tim an apologetic shrugged as she played with Kitten's puppy.

"Is she going to be back soon? We have a showtime to catch."

"Who knows? Maybe you should meet up with her instead. It might take more time for her to come back here and then go back to the entrance." The girl clapped her hands and the puppy surprisingly did a flip. "Damn, Kitten wasn't kidding when she said her dog was trained by the best. Oh right! Kitten had to see her parents about something."

"Her parents?" Garden was known for taking in orphans. Back when the Garden was immobile some students would commute, but now that was impossible. Were Kitten's parents SeeDs?

"Yeah I think they have to leave early tomorrow morning for something. They should be at the Commander's office."

Glancing at his watch Tim thanked her and jogged over to the Commander's office. Kitten probably wanted to catch her parents before they left on their mission since they would probably be busy preparing and leaving early. Meeting her parents in front of the Commander's office was not how he planned for things to go tonight.

Entering the outer chambers he didn't find Kitten or her parents. Instead two SeeD members (too young to be her parents) stood guarding the door. He froze wondering if he was going to be reprimanded for being there. The two threw the blond quick assessing stares as they measured him. To his surprise they opened the door and gestured inside.

"The Commander wishes to speak with you."

**Reason one: Her father is the leader of a group of ELITE Mercenaries (Assassins).**

Timothy Gazela paled and wondered just what he did now and how did they know he was coming up. Gathering the shards of his courage Tim entered the Lion's Den.

The SeeD closed the door behind and threw his female partner a look.

"I almost feel sorry for the kid."

She just snorted and slipped an earpiece into her ear as they headed to another room.

Within Tim hesitantly padded into the room. The Commander was standing with his back to the door gazing at the case that held his famous gunblade. He was in causal wear sans his trademark jacket. Without his usual jacket the short sleeves of his white shirt emphasized the muscles of his arms and torso. Muscles that he spent a lifetime honing and maintaining. The teen's danger sense began clamoring for his attention, but that was ridiculous it wasn't like the Commander was going to attack him. His mind was just playing tricks on him, but there was something dangerous about that mass of muscles in close proximation to a bladed weapon.

In a move with no wasted movement the man turned, and Tim couldn't help feeling like he was being hunted when those stormy blues narrowed in on him. His traitorous mind supplied him with mental image of a lion mauling a gazelle. Fate must be laughing itself sick for sticking him with a surname meaning gazelle.

"A-ah sir, you wanted to s-see me?"

"Take a seat. Kopa will be just a few more minutes." He said curtly and prowled over to his chair behind the desk. "Her mother just wanted to talk before you go out on your date."

Nervously Tim obeyed the command as his mind stuttered to a halt. It got stuck on one thought, 'Kitten is Kopa Leonhart?' One always want to impress the parents of the girl they're dating... but how do you impress people who went into the future to save the world?

Squall arched an eyebrow at the tongue-tied boy as he got paler and paler. Though the Commander was not much of a talker it seemed he would have to move the conversation forward.

"I never caught your name."

"A-ah i-it's..."

"Here," The gunblader wielder picked up one of the papers and pens littering his desk and pushed it towards the teen. "why don't you write it here on this..." There was the slightest hesitation as he search for the right word. "scratch paper... so I don't forget."

Tim picked up paper and pen afraid he irritated the man with his stuttering. A second later he let out an embarrassing squeak of fright and he sent alternating incredulous glances at the paper and the Commander. There was a small 'Sign here' tag on the paper for a name, but the paper in his hands was the paperwork for an assassination mission. The 'Sign here' tag was on where the target's name was. The orders were for the assassination to be completed on today's date.

Was the man expecting him to sign the paper sealing his death? Commander Leonhart had turned his chair partly away and facing one of the other doors leading out of his office. He had an air of disinterest as if he cared little of what Tim was doing, but something told the blond that was not the case. Was this whole thing a test? The papers looked awfully authentic. Before Tim could decide what to do, Squall took it back and placed it face down on his desk.

"Tim? What are you doing up here?" Kitten or rather Kopa had walked through the door the Commander was watching a moment ago. The girl snuck a glance at her watch and hiss. "Oh sorry, Tim, I didn't realize the time." Kopa gave him a small smile while the teen silently urged her to stop using his name. The Commander's eyes darted to the pen for a second.

"Did we interrupt your guy talk?" An older dark haired woman walked in through the door Kopa left open. She causally made her way over to the desk and slid her arms around the Commander's shoulders. "Are you done threatening the boy into bringing Kopa back before curfew?" Timothy's numb mind could only surmise that this ballsy woman had to be the Sorceress Rinoa.

The brunet shrugged beneath her arms. "I trust her. We raised her with excellent _instincts _and _reflexes_. She's responsible and _honorable_ enough that we shouldn't have to worry." From the corner of his eye he saw Kopa glow under the attention of the rare praise. So distracted she missed the subtle underlying meaning, but Tim could read it in his eyes.

_'I trust that battle instinct and reflexes that I drilled into her. Should you push her you'll see that training firsthand. Though I should not worry if she returns any less honorable...'_

The teen swallow painfully at the unspoken threat. Kopa bid her parents farewell and they left through the door now void of the earlier SeeD guards.

"'_I trust her'" _Rinoa quoted once the teens were out of the room._ "_Since when did you get so sensitive?"

Squall shrugged in response but she caught the slight tenseness in his right shoulder. "You shouldn't carry your gunblade on your shoulder all the time. It's no wonder why your shoulder is going stiff now."

As his wife teased him about his age, the Commander drummed his fingers on his desk as he discreetly shoved the assassination papers into the bottom of another pile. In another room facing a pile of equipment the two SeeDs from earlier listened closely to the rhythm of the drumming. They immediately began moving when the full orders were delivered.

"Plan B but I like Plan A better." The male SeeD whined, but started changing into the causal clothing laid out. "Assassination is more exciting than babysitting."

Apathetic to her partner's whine (and presence) the other SeeD discarded her uniform and slipped into a simple knee length dress before answering. "Remember there is always Plan C."

He winced and shied away from her. "Geeze don't you think Plan C is a little over the top."

"If you don't stop whining then I'm doing Plan C on you!"

The threat worked effectively for them to quickly finish before their targets got too far away. Awhile later a certain John and Jane Doe couple were causally strolling some distance behind another couple as they went on their date.

* * *

"I wonder if something happened." Kopa mused out loud as they looked around the street. The streets of Deling city were usually bustling, but this time it was slightly different. There were no civilians, but Galbadian soldiers everywhere. There were tanks casually parked alongside the curbs. "This place looks like a war zone."

**Reason three: Her maternal grandfather is the General of a military nation.**

"More like occupied territory if you ask me. Maybe we should take a rain check on this date."

"Oh don't be silly. We're SeeD cadets. We can't let the sight of a few soldiers throw us off. Let me figure out what's happening." With that Kopa whipped out her cellphone, (A very useful device that was created shortly after the Sorceress Memorial was destroyed.) and to Tim's discomfort speed-dialed the General. "Hi Grandpa? Is there some terrorist threat in Deling? A city-wide occupation training exercise? Isn't that a bit..." She trailed off listening to something on the other line.

Meanwhile Tim noticed that the soldiers were eying them. Although with all the soldiers around it wasn't surprising that they stuck out. He was going to ignore it until one of the soldiers aimed their gun at his head when he stepped closer to Kopa. He froze and then slowly took a step back. The guns lowered once he was out of arm reach.

Pretending to look at all the goods in shop window the female SeeD scoffed at all the soldiers. "These people don't know the meaning of subtle."

"I don't know... those tanks seem to be good intimidation factors." The John Doe SeeD stared wistfully at the war vehicle missing the look the woman on his arm sent him.

Jane pinched his arm. "Come on let's go get in position before they get there." Looking nothing more than a young couple they strolled down the street.

"Oh I see then. Okay I promise to visit before Garden leaves again. Bye Grandpa." The girl snapped her phone close and turned back to a nervous Tim. "Apparently they're going to run some training exercises to see if they can occupy a place without disrupting civilian life. So asides from all the military garb around we should still be able to go." Kopa grabbed his arm not noticing how Tim and every soldier in the area tensed at the touch. "Come on before we're late!" She yanked on his arm prompting them into a run.

As they disappeared down the street one of the soldiers pulled out a radio. "Sir, they're heading towards the theater now."

"Copied that private. Proceed with Phase Two and inform me of all developments."

"Yes sir!"

* * *

It turned out that the new movie was actually a horror movie. Not that Tim really needed the movie seeing how his life was quickly becoming a living nightmare. The theater was filled with supposedly off-duty soldiers who apparently wanted to see a horror film right after work instead of a bar. Tim didn't buy it for a second especially when he caught one loading his pistol out of the corner of his eye. He was way over his head, but there was no way he could abandon the date. If Kopa got upset there was no telling what these trigger happy grunts would do.

"You're pale already? The movie hasn't even started yet." Kopa teased as she flicked a popcorn kernel at him. In a show of dexterity he caught it in his mouth and gave her a weak smile. They were interrupted as an announcement came over the speakers.

**Because of guidelines stated in higher terrorist risk times the lights will stay on to deter any planting of bombs in public places. Thank you for your understanding and please enjoy the movie.**

"Wow grandpa sure takes his training seriously."

Tim said nothing. It wasn't terrorist actions they were watching for. It was just easier for them to watch if he tried to make a move on her. He felt bad for the couple sitting behind them, since they couldn't take advantage of the darkness. The movie soon started and the blond teen tried to forget his current worries and enjoy what he could of the night.

Sometime into the movie both of the teens' hands inched towards each other. Without realizing it they laced their fingers together. They held hands for three seconds before it rained extra buttery popcorn all over Tim.

"AHHHHHHHH!" The popcorn cloud was identified as the woman sitting behind them. Tim plucked the tub off his head and turned around in his seat. The woman had hidden her face into her date's arm. "Oh Hyne the blood makes me queasy! There's so much!"

The buttery blond glanced at the screen then stared incredulously at the woman. The scene currently up on the screen was that of the female lead bandaging the male lead 's arm. It was very tame compared to all the limb hacking action earlier. The woman didn't scream earlier when heads were being chopped off.

Her date glowered at him when he continued staring. "Are you staring at my girl?"

Tim did not need this on top of everything else that had been happening. He excused himself to the restroom to do something about all the butter. The teen began washing off as much as he could. Several minutes later the woman's date entered the restroom, and for a moment Tim thought he was going to pick a fight. Until something caught his attention.

"Do I know you?" Now that the teen was looking at him. The man did look familiar.

Started the older man jerked to a stop at the question. Unfortunately the motion caused an object to come tumbling out of his jacket. It hit the ground between them with a clatter. In a strange mockery of the game Spin the Bottle the combat knife slowed to a stop with it's sheathed blade pointing at the teen. In a moment of awkwardness the man stared at Tim while the teen stared at the weapon.

"I-is that..."

"What's with the twenty questions? Can't a man take a piss without getting interrogated?" The man ranted and without looking down kicked the blade with his instep into one of the stalls. "Wanna ask me whether I fold or wad?"

Pale and unwilling to anger the man the teen shook his head. The man quickly made his way into the stalls. It did not escape his notice that the man went into the same one where the knife ended up in, nor did he miss the hand picking it back up when the door close. Tim felt somewhat insulted, as if he did not notice that. Just because he was blond did not mean he was slow or stupid.

His inner ranting over stereotypes was interrupted by the vibration of his cellphone that startled him into crashing into the sink. The screen innocently showed that he had gotten a new message from a blocked number.

**Reason four: Her paternal grandfather is the leader of a technologically advanced nation.**

_Thank you for opening this message. It made hacking your phone so much easier. We now know the names and numbers of all your love ones. It will be easy to find their locations. Did we mention that we have a new satellite with a giant laser that we have been needing to test?_

Tim's legs gave out from underneath and he slumped to the floor. Did someone up there hate him that much? The universe just hated him or something. You think that with all the things that happened tonight that he would be numb to it all. He just wanted to go out on a date. It wasn't like he was killing babies or trying to take over the world.

His phone vibrated again and without any prompting from him the message opened. The phone creaked under the tight grip as he read the newest message.

_By the way keep your hands to yourself._

With a yell he threw his phone to the other side of the restroom. Much to his dissatisfaction it did not break. There was a flush and the knife guy came out of the stall. Scrambling to his feet the teen tried to make a break for the door. As fast as Tim was, the man was even faster. Inches from touching the door an iron clamp closed around his arm arresting all his forward momentum with an abrupt jerk.

"HEY!" The man spun him around and Tim tensed as he waited for the blow. "You dropped your phone."

The blond stared uncomprehending at the seemingly innocent device. It was only when the man was getting irritated that he snapped out of it and took the traitorous phone and ran back to his seat. Kopa sent him a concerned glanced but seeing the strain on his composure didn't push it.

The rest of the movie's gory scenes just fed his imagination, forcing his mind back to all the unpleasantness of the evening. Besides the guy behind them discreetly bouncing gummy bears off the back of his head, nothing else happened. Tim was too afraid to confront the man on it.

They were planning on eating out, but Kopa noticed his pasty countenance. The girl tried to lighten the atmosphere as they walked back by teasing the boy for picking a horror movie if he had such a weak stomach. The walk back was very awkward as Tim had slight panic attacks whenever he caught sight of the Galbadian soldiers that were _"patrolling"._

* * *

"What the hell are you doing? Actually I think the better question would be 'How have you manage to conceal that thing this whole time?'"

"First, what does it look like I'm doing?" The knife guy or rather the SeeD carefully loaded his sniper rifle. "Second... Well, Darling, you just don't want to know..."

She hissed at him. "We can't do Plan A with Kopa there! The Commander would kill us and fed our remains to his GFs."

"Well the target has grown increasingly unstable. It's for Kopa's protection in case he snaps or something."

"He started to look freaked out after he returned from the restroom." The woman crossed her arms and eyed her partner suspiciously. "What...did...you...do?" The words were slowly grounded out between gnashing teeth.

The guilty expression was fleetingly. "I only took a fucking piss! Especially after your little act. I swear my gut was going to explode trying to hold in my laughter. 'Oh Hyne! I'm going to suddenly develop a fear of blood halfway into the movie! It's not like I have never used my high heels to slash a man's jugular open!' I thought you could be subtle?"

"I only did that because they were getting too close. What's your excuse for the gummy bears?"

He shrugged nonchalantly. "I don't like the yellow ones. Plus he made funny noises the first few times I did it."

It looked like she was going to say something when he hushed her and pointed down to where the teens were approaching. They immediately slid further into their hiding spots. The two mercenaries watched as Kopa fussed over the target. Checking his temperature and checking it to her own. The girl appeared to be assessing him and then suddenly pulled him down till their foreheads rested against each other.

"I don't like the look of this."

The SeeD sighted down his gun. "Come on, punk! Make my day!"

His partner kicked him as his words carried a little, but thankfully it didn't reach the two. "Did you fail stealth class or something when you were a cadet?" She whispered harshly as he grimaced at her hit. "Shit shit! Stop him!" The teens' faces were inching towards each other.

"Gotcha!"

"I meant with a sleep spell!"

Before they could get either a shot or spell off the moment was broken by the ringing of a cellphone. The Funeral March was a bit morbid for a ringtone (a ringtone that Tim did not have on his phone), and the target leapt away from Kopa as if he was burnt. The two SeeDs watched in bemusement as the target shook his date's hand and bid her goodnight before sprinting away. Little Leonhart was left wondering what happened and why didn't Tim answer his phone.

"I can't tell whether this mission is a success or not..."

* * *

The next day Kopa stood outside Tim's dorm room. Concerned over his erratic behavior she came back to check on him. Knocking on the door had gotten no response. The girl was going to check elsewhere, but on a whim decided to try the knob. To her surprise it was unlocked, and she was fully prepared to pick the lock like Aunty Selphie taught her. (She had broken into her dad's room after their SeeD exam)

Upon entering Tim's room what she found was...

**In conclusion Squall and Rinoa should not have a daughter. (Because they would never be grandparents)**

Nothing. Everything was gone. It was like no one lived there. While she stood there in a stupor Tim's roommate returned to the room. He explained that Tim had left last night resigning from all his classes. He couldn't explain why the blond would just randomly quit the SeeD program. The only thing he kept repeating was that he was screwed and that he was going to die. Tim's cellphone kept him up most of the night playing the Funeral March.

Later when Rinoa was consoling a confused and distraught Kopa. Commander Leonhart called in two SeeDs into his office, silently handed them both a piece of paper, and dismissed them. Only once outside did they chance a look at what the thing had to said. The female SeeD sent a scathing glare at her partner.

"This is not my fault.." He visibly drooped. "Seriously... Remedial Stealth?"

* * *

On one of the various isles off of the Centra continent, a certain blond was checking the line of his fishing pole. It had been a week of his self-imposed life as a hermit, and it wasn't that bad. Besides the lack of civilization, technology, and the barren emptiness there wasn't a lot to complain about. At least he was alive.

Except for the small rebuilt orphanage on the southeastern coast there was no one else out here. There was no way he was going to head to Esthar or any of the towns under Galbadian rule. In fact the teen was learning a lot about being self-sufficient. He was being a real man hunting and fishing for his food. No more wimpy trips to the grocery store. Hungry? Just go out and kill something.

A rustling in the bushes had him dropping his fishing pole and snatching up his weapon. Of course the monsters also had the same mindset. Something shot out of the vegetation with the force of a cannon and knocked the blond teen right off his feet. In the resulting scramble he lost hold of his weapon.

A jaw took a hold of his ankle and dragged him into the undergrowth. After being scratched by numerous branches and hitting a couple of tree trucks the beast finally released him. Tim groaned rolling over onto his back as what looked like a dog trotted to the other side of the clearing. Blinking in confusion he stared at the dog. Wasn't that the same breed as Kopa's puppy?

**Did I forget to mention... Reason two: Her mother is the sorceress (With the power of more than just one sorceress).**

A white feather slowly drifted down. "YOU BROKE MY BABY'S HEART!"

**End**

* * *

5 points if you know what Plan C stands for. 25points if you noticed I skipped Reason Two. 50 points if you answer the question at the bottom. A million points and all my love if you review TAT. If you ask me what these points are for... -150 points.

Before anyone asks about the daughter... I suck at names and just named her after Simba's missing cub. (Yes I know Kopa was actually his son but let's pretend it's a girl name kay?) Plus ignoring all rules of genetics and stuff lets just say Laguna's green eyes skipped a generation or something and she has her grandmother Julia's voice.

**Question before you review:  
If the Assassination papers were a test for would-be boyfriends do you think Squall would have approved of the boy's bravery if the boy signed the papers or would that just make him seem really arrogant to our favorite gunblade user?**


End file.
